Here are a few excerpts from from an email I received from my Dad (which he gave me permission to share). I was moved and encouraged by his letter, and I hope that by only selecting parts of it, I have not taken away from its content.Thanks Dad for your openess, honesty, and courage to share.
" As we open up and share with others our less than perfect stories, our troubled lives, our failures, our weaknesses, our true selves – sins and all, maybe that is what brings light into the world. Cracked pots - as Brennan Manning puts it. As we struggle to the top of the hill starting with a full pot of water, we leak all that life-giving water out and stand at the top of the hill wandering how useless the trip was. But as Manning puts it, the water that all leaked out brought life to the wild plants along the road, unknowing to us. As I become more and more open to revealing my cracks, as I stand in the middle of family and friends and show them my feet of clay, as I confess what a true sinner I am, is this not the abundance of my life overflowing (both good and bad). God knows me completely and still loves me. We have this attitude that we must be this perfect example so we won’t make someone stumble. Well, the reality of that is we are more concerned what other people in the church would think of us. We hide our ‘abundant’ lives deep in our soul – especially evangelical Christians. We think giving a testimony about witnessing to someone at work is sharing the abundant life. We are so good at covering the cracks because we think the cracks are bad. Sin and deceit run deep in he hearts of most of us and until we “prosper in the soul” as it says in3 John 2, we are likely to be a time bomb and true prosperity and health will elude us.
You’re either going to get this or think I’m crazy. It’s only then will we become the light to the sinners not saved by grace. Self righteousness is not a fruit of the Spirit. Jesus told the church of Ephesus in Rev. 2 that they were doing good things but they forgot where they had come from, they had lost their first love. We say to non-Christians that God loves you just as you are and sent Jesus to die for you. He rose again for your forgiveness. I’ve faced the fact that I’m probably no better at sinning less 35 years later – and God still loves me. And realizing that has kept me in that “first love” relationship. One of the things I love about Brennan Manning and how he has ministered to me is that his books are written out of personal failure. Through Manning’s failures as a monk, a divorced husband (I think), an alcoholic, failed ministry, etc. he writes from the depths of failure. Yet he realizes the unfathomable love of Jesus to the down trodden – of which he openly admits to be.
As I walk through my life journey, I’ve tried to look inward, trying to pay attention to what God is doing in my soul. I’m beginning to understand that before I can effectively minister to anyone, I must understand at a deep emotional level what that person feels...
I am haunted and sad at my brother’s death as an alcoholic . I miss him! At that time of my Christian walk I tried to hold a standard of conduct up to him – hoping that he would want to have what I had. I was stupid; I was arrogant; I was unloving and I think I was wrong. Because he died alone, drunk, in a shabby, roach filled room with his empty bottles. Maybe if I had gone to the bar with him a few times, drank with him, and really listened to his heart and his pain – maybe I could have reached him. I repent of my Pharisee attitude. I loved him so much...
As I am showing my cracks, my shocking sins, I find my love for Jesus is deeper, as is my love for non-Christians who cuss like sailors, who get drunk, who have been married numerous times and are now living with someone – my love reaches to the mercy and grace that God gives me – a real bonnified sinner."- Mike
As I read this I hear the wisdom and revelation that came to Paul as he said " I am the greatest of sinners". What? Wasn't he just saying that for effect? Why would he say that? Unless his understanding of sin was not what we think. Maybe he understood that by creating a righteousness of his own he was making a mockery of the cross and misrepresenting the Father of grace.- talon
